It's been awhile since I posted last, and lots has happened. My (our) life is in a state of big changes now and it's a little mindblowing.
For one, my ICBC case settled in May. It is a really strange feeling, and is not what I expected. My claim has been opened for 6 years, and for the past 3 years, I have been aching for it to settle/close. I just wanted to be done with it. All those years were consumed with medical appointments, assessments, independant medical exams and feeling like I didn't have any personal privacy. Well, I DIDN'T have any personal privacy. I had no control over most of my life for fear of how it would affect my 'case'. Not that I did anything wrong; I was hit by a car for crying out loud, but everyone knows how ICBC is.
So I get this settlement, and initially feel relief. It wasn't what I expected it would be (money wise) and I don't believe any amount of money can equate to what I have been through for the past 6 years or what I will continue to endure as the result of this accident. However, now I can start thinking about what I want to do to change my future and actually work towards a goal again.
Someone said to me "you have this lump sum of money, you should be happy now". That was really hurtful to me. I felt very misunderstood and felt that my experiences had not been heard. It is meant to be there for the rest of my life, mainly because I cannot return to the job I used to do. It has a lot of 'memories' attached to it. It is just money and certainly does not take away the pain, sadness, grief, or anxiety I have or have overcome.
In the course of two weeks, a whole whirlwind of crazy stuff happens. I even get dumped by my boyfriend, which did not come without it''s fair share of hurtful insults hurled at me.
Yet I'm starting to understand what is happening. I have the chance to grab the reins of my life once again and be the strong, independent person I used to be. I have no excuses now, nothing can hold me back. I may have been presented with brief oppourtunities before, but now I feel ready to take things on.
I have enrolled in a 2 yr Family systems therapy course, which will be a starting point for furthering my education. I hope to be able to do some little courses like this one (ie play therapy, art therapy) and then return to university for my Master of Social Work. I want to support children, youth, parents in a different aspect of 'child welfare', especially adoption. I also want to work with people which chronic illness/medical trauma using a holistic approach. Now I have a plan, and have already taken steps to complete the plan. This is getting back to my old self. Determined, focused, striving to achieve goals.
We are now on our first family vacation as a little family unit. It is exciting, and scary. At first I didn't think I could do it alone, but now I've changed my mindset and have made it a challenge for myself. If I can make it through this week, alone with my girls, no support, I think I can do anything :)
Wish me luck!
