Dating in 2012 is hard. it's even harder
when you are a single mom who rarely gets the opportunity to socialize outside
of the home. There are days when i have
enough energy to think i could possibly manage a romantic relationship. Those
are the days I get lonely. Yet there are
other days when I just want a 'husband' to take out the garbage, pick up the
girls from daycare, supplement my income, and fix my car. Those are my
desperation days.
To determine whether it is a 'lonely'
day or a 'desperate' day all depends on
my mood and energy level. Most times, I
have to admit, it's a desperate day. I
just want to skip over the romance crap and get straight to it. I need a man around here to boss around.
Seeing as I don't work, and don't attend school, I am left with little options for man hunting. My man hunting would have to be at kids' activities (very few single men there) or online.
Seeing as I don't work, and don't attend school, I am left with little options for man hunting. My man hunting would have to be at kids' activities (very few single men there) or online.
Everyone tells me to 'go online' to find a
partner. I've been 'online' for a long time. I dated one guy for a year 'from
online'. It certainly can work - there's
lots of great stories of wonderful relationships being created as the result of
an online dating site.
However, it's a very difficult process to
endure.
I've been around a lot. I've actually been
on a lot of dates and a lot of unsuccessful dates. I'd like to categorize them for your reading pleasure, so you all know what I am up against.
1.
the pedophile/just out of jail shark:
I've had men message me with photos of themselves standing in front of
the local halfway house. I went on a
date with a guy who, as it turns out, is not allowed to see his children
unsupervised due to "alleged" sexual abuse of his children. Thanks for wasting my time.
2. the
scrub: just like salt n pepa rapped
about in the 90's, you don't want a scrub.
i've been successful in avoiding these, however, i've had to set some
limits in what I will accept before any date. You MUST have a job, and
preferably make the same amount of $ as I do.
You also must have a vehicle.
3. the sex addict: they want 'friends' or 'nsa sex'. More times than not, they are married or in a
committed relationship already but are somehow 'unsatisfied'. sometimes they
even tell you this in hopes you will feel sorry for them.
4. the aspie: i hate to do this, but i must give these
serious neurological disorder it's own date category. Typically, they are intelligent, have funny
quirks, appear very honest and loyal.
Usually have obsessions, collections (weird things that serve no use),
and try to avoid physical contact. I
have heard of Aspies being sex fiends, but have yet to meet one. I've been in a
short relationship with an undiagnosed Aspie, who he himself thought he might
be Aspie. After providing him with entertainment, he drops you like a hot
stone. There's a lot of Aspies online, and there's a reason for that. They need to start aspielove.com or
something.
5. The momma lover: these guys want
either an older woman or someone very nurturing. danger. danger especially for people like me. that's all i will say.
6.
the borderline personality disorder whale: this guy eats you up whole. Initially you are scared, your gut reaction
knows to avoid such an inflated ego. The
BPD whale however, charms you with not only beauty (if he has any) but his
loving caring nature. Somehow his
intelligence appeals to you, and he puts you up on a pedestal. He claims you are 'unlike any woman he has
ever met before'. Before long you are enmeshed.
Swallowed inside his huge empty pit, that is unable to love or to trust
love. BPD apparently originates from
attachment disorder, so oftentimes they have had attachment injuries in
childhood, or have been abused/neglected.
You feel sorry for them. They do
little things to make you like them. You
accept his shortcomings, being the caring person YOU are. Then, all of a sudden, he realizes the chase
is over. It's no longer fun. Then it's
time for you to go up the blow hole!
7. The fruitcake: He tells you he is a chef, and it turns out
he works at Chevron. He also tells you
he drives a 2010 model car, and it turns out its a $2500 2000 model car. More short comings include the fact his
mother will not let him travel alone, and he get very defensive if you ask if
he lives alone (obviously that's something he's had to overcome). When you go to the local restaurant for
dinner, the waitresses all roll their eyes, yet he thinks he is quite welcomed.
I seriously could go on and on. As of late, I've taken my mom's advice and
joined some sites where you have to pay a monthly fee. My mom said it 'might be more serious'. Yes. So far, it means i'm basically paying $35/month
to get laid if I really want to. I don't have a problem finding men to sleep
with, men are easy that way. It's finding the needle in the haystack that is the problem.
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