I woke up in a foul mood this morning. I'm not sure why. I felt I had enough rest, I was looking forward to the day and we had a fairly good weekend. Yet, I struggled all day with irritability and a mundane look on life.
My boyfriend and I took the girls to the park to ride bikes. The girls wanted to go and see the little hobby farm that is nearby, and I just couldn't fathom going to see the goats with the demonic looking eyes, or the miniature horse that looks so desperate to escape from his trapped existence. So, I asked my partner to walk them over while I rested on the grass. I thought that perhaps reconnecting with Mother Earth would help me feel better. It helped a bit, but not as much as I hoped.
So later in the day, I silently connected with my spirit guides. I asked for help grounding me and helping me re connect to my spirituality which has been really lacking lately. As soon as I did this I felt an unexplained warmth. My mood lightened a little and I felt a bit better. I did ask my spirit guides to help me understand what was blocking me in my life, as I felt there was something seriously blocking me. Of course no one is perfect, but I knew there was something I just was not 'grasping' but I needed to work on. Sometimes when I ask my guides something, the answer will either pop right into my head, or I will 'feel' something, like an intuition. At this point nothing happened.
I get through the rest of the evening. I survive and am beginning to look forward to the new week ahead. At 9:45 pm, I get a phone call from someone I didn't expect and whom I had not talked to in over 6 months. This call was from my ex husband, whom I have been divorced from for about 8 years now.
Now, this man is very self centered and usually only calls me when he is in need of my advice on something concerning himself. In some odd way, he trusts my judgement and experiences. However, the last time I spoke to him, I made it very clear I was not putting up with his drama any longer. It seemed things were over.
So when I answered the phone, after getting over my initial shock of who was on the other end, I knew something serious was up with him. His voice was shaking and he was very frightened. He has been having some health issues and feels very scared. Now this is where it gets interesting. This is the man who asked me for a divorce when I was in St. Paul's Hospital having 2 major surgeries. The first surgery failed, I was in and out of ICU, and I was in the hospital waiting for a second attempt at the surgery. THAT'S when he decided he would drop the divorce bomb on me. His reason for wanting a divorce? I was too sick and he was afraid I was going to die. Gee, thanks.
Funny enough, now he is having the exact same health concerns I was having all those years back. Karma? I feel kinda happy but guilty that I feel happy. All those years after the divorce I internalized that pain, thinking that I would never love someone again, or be truly loved and accepted by a man.
So after a brief chat about the health stuff, and me reminding him it's karma for leaving me in hospital, he brings up his current wife. I bring up my current boyfriend and how wonderful he is, and how no one has ever treated me so well. I also have the guts to say 'you treated me like shit all those years, and I wasted my time on you'. My voice didn't quiver, I didn't cry, and I certainly did not regret it. I feel good saying it. I feel lighter, I feel free and I feel he is now in my past for good.
I do believe things happen for a reason. I have been struggling in my current relationship based on stuff that happened with my ex husband, and although I know it's not fair to my new partner, it comes up. I am lucky to have someone in my life now who is patient, loving, understanding, accepting, gentle, and who adores me. As flaky as this sounds, I believe my guides helped me through the block of my ex husband tonight, and followed through on my request for assistance. Of course it all came from within me, but having the back up of a power such as a guide makes human life so much easier to deal with. The universe is powerful and this is a good reminder to me to make time to reconnect more often.
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