My baby bear is growing up

My first baby was not born from my womb and I really only had two weeks to prepare for her.  I had no idea she was going to be a girl, so the rush was on to find neutral clothing for a newborn, which was harder than you might imagine.  I was a train wreck, moving from intense fear of the decision I had made to raise the unborn baby, and excitement, and then back to fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of responsibility, fear of doing some unknown harm to the baby, fear of how my life would change. Fear of being a bad mother.

I received the call at about 3:30 pm that birthmom had gone into labour. My mom and I went to the hospital almost immediately.  As we were walking to the delivery area, a little baby wrapped snugly in a mint green blanket was being rolled out to the nursery by a nurse.   We asked if this was 'our' baby, and sure enough it was. She had a big chubby red face, and a grumpy expression to top it off.

My mom was the first to hold her, as I was too nervous. I remember the first time holding her, wondering if I was going to hurt her, and being terrified that she would cry. She had tight little black curls all over the top of her head and I remember my mom saying to me "pat her bum, all babies like their bums patted when you hold them".  It turns out mom's advice was right.  

I was there to give her the first feed, her first bath, change her into her first outfit. The first outfit I changed her into was a sleeper with ducks all over it.  It has now become part of her story - that I changed her into her little ducky sleeper after birthmom 'gave' her to me.

I brought her home when she was two days old. Again, I was completely terrified. 

Eventually I got used to being her mom.  She was the light of my life and is what got me through some rough times.  I did everything for her, often leaving my needs at the door.  I adored this little soul, and still do, and did everything in my power to make her life the best I could.

Now this little baby is turning five years old and will be in kindergarten in September.  I can't believe where the time went.  She is tall for her age, has long curly hair down to her bum, is athletic, artistic, and has a very compassionate, loving side.  As of late, she has taken to drawing amazing pictures of fish, which I find cute because I think she is part fish. She loves to swim, like her birthmother, and I am thinking of putting her in swim club next year. I have started to buy clothes for kindergarten.......

Baby bear, we have come a long way.