I wake up with a horde of firemen and paramedics surrounding me. I am on the floor of my parent's living room. I feel puzzled, ambushed, and irritable. I can't think straight, but I know I must have had a seizure. The words "i've had a seizure' have not actually run through my mind at this point in time, however, the inexplicable memories associated with a seizure are all too present.
I am sitting up and someone tells me I've had a seizure. That thought actually goes through my mind. OK - so why are all these paramedics and firemen here? Usually when I have had a seizure in the past, I'm just left to go through the process myself, with the comfort of family. Luckily, I have not had a seizure in about 10 years, so this is not a common occurrence.
I look around and there's like 6 very good looking, young firemen staring at me, an older male paramedic and a woman paramedic. I hear my mom say something from behind me. Something like "you have had a seizure Cassandra. It was from all the stress from Dove last night".
Interesting.
My mom goes on to explain to the paramedics that I was at the hospital all night with Dove the previous night.
Sheer shock runs through my body and I turn around. "What happened to Dove? Is she ok? Where is she now?"
My mom is shocked I can't remember the events of the previous night. She asks if I remember taking Dove to the hospital for her medication. No I do not. I remember Dove, I know who she is and what she is like, but I don't for the life of me know what happened in the previous 24 hours. This is different for me - I've never had any sort of amnesia following a seizure in the past, and my mom looks at me shocked. My world has slowed down to a crawl, panicking, wondering if Dove was in a car accident, or worse. I cannot imagine anything that would cause such great stress for me.
The fact is, I've never had a seizure while being a parent, and since it's been so long since I've had a seizure, I think it was worse. It was like I had all this pent up energy that needed to be released, and finally it erupted.
The firemen and paramedics load me into the ambulance. My dad comes with me, and I feel like a child. I feel humiliated and inferior; for god's sake I can't even control my body. For two minutes (according to my dad) my body was completely out of my control, and I had no conscious awareness of what was going on. To make matters worse, I did not remember things immediately after. It was not until we were almost at the hospital (at least 10 minutes later) that I began to remember the previous nights incidents.
It is scary not to know what is going on and not to have a memory. My body feels like it weighs 1000llbs, and I can barely move any muscle. I have bitten my tongue so bad the pain is immeasurable. To have to rely on other people for your well being is a lesson in trust to say the least. My head is in incredible pain.
Thank god the seizure happened while I was at my parents house. Thank you to my guardian angel Catherine, for looking out for me. A lot worse could have happened and I won't go into the 'what ifs' either.
The memories of the previous night come back; of which I will not get into too many details. Basically Dove was given a much higher dose of her usual prescription, as the result of a pharmacist mistake. Dove & I spent all night in the ER because she needed to be under observation. I didn't get much sleep. Guess what is the number one trigger for my seizures? Lack of sleep and stress.
It's been a few days since the seizure, and I feel incredible sadness. It's a big loss for me - I am no longer 'seizure free'. I have had a major grand mal, good ol fashioned, stereotypical seizure within the past week. I used to be proud of my seizure free status because it showed that I not only was compliant with my medications, but I also avoided situations that triggered seizures for me. It's like 'falling off the wagon' when you are an alcoholic. You have got to start building up from ground zero.
Looking back over the years, there were many times I could have or should have had a seizure. Times when I was not so careful maybe. But this time, even though I had my medication with me at the hospital, and tried to sleep when I could, I still could not prevent myself from having a seizure. This is something that scares me quite a bit. My parents say it was unavoidable - that I shouldn't feel bad. I do though. It is no longer "cassandra vs epilepsy". It is now "cassandra+2 daughters vs epilepsy".
I wonder what will happen in the future - what if one of my daughters requires hospitalization again? Will I be able to physically stay with them in the hospital as I want? My goal with Dove was to never leave her alone for a minute, and I managed to do so while we were in the hospital. I am proud of that.
For now I just feel very depressed. It's as though a part of me has died. I expect to have good days and bad days, but this aspect of my "self" is gone, and it was one that I felt pretty good about.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
finding my needle...
Dating in 2012 is hard. it's even harder
when you are a single mom who rarely gets the opportunity to socialize outside
of the home. There are days when i have
enough energy to think i could possibly manage a romantic relationship. Those
are the days I get lonely. Yet there are
other days when I just want a 'husband' to take out the garbage, pick up the
girls from daycare, supplement my income, and fix my car. Those are my
desperation days.
To determine whether it is a 'lonely'
day or a 'desperate' day all depends on
my mood and energy level. Most times, I
have to admit, it's a desperate day. I
just want to skip over the romance crap and get straight to it. I need a man around here to boss around.
Seeing as I don't work, and don't attend school, I am left with little options for man hunting. My man hunting would have to be at kids' activities (very few single men there) or online.
Seeing as I don't work, and don't attend school, I am left with little options for man hunting. My man hunting would have to be at kids' activities (very few single men there) or online.
Everyone tells me to 'go online' to find a
partner. I've been 'online' for a long time. I dated one guy for a year 'from
online'. It certainly can work - there's
lots of great stories of wonderful relationships being created as the result of
an online dating site.
However, it's a very difficult process to
endure.
I've been around a lot. I've actually been
on a lot of dates and a lot of unsuccessful dates. I'd like to categorize them for your reading pleasure, so you all know what I am up against.
1.
the pedophile/just out of jail shark:
I've had men message me with photos of themselves standing in front of
the local halfway house. I went on a
date with a guy who, as it turns out, is not allowed to see his children
unsupervised due to "alleged" sexual abuse of his children. Thanks for wasting my time.
2. the
scrub: just like salt n pepa rapped
about in the 90's, you don't want a scrub.
i've been successful in avoiding these, however, i've had to set some
limits in what I will accept before any date. You MUST have a job, and
preferably make the same amount of $ as I do.
You also must have a vehicle.
3. the sex addict: they want 'friends' or 'nsa sex'. More times than not, they are married or in a
committed relationship already but are somehow 'unsatisfied'. sometimes they
even tell you this in hopes you will feel sorry for them.
4. the aspie: i hate to do this, but i must give these
serious neurological disorder it's own date category. Typically, they are intelligent, have funny
quirks, appear very honest and loyal.
Usually have obsessions, collections (weird things that serve no use),
and try to avoid physical contact. I
have heard of Aspies being sex fiends, but have yet to meet one. I've been in a
short relationship with an undiagnosed Aspie, who he himself thought he might
be Aspie. After providing him with entertainment, he drops you like a hot
stone. There's a lot of Aspies online, and there's a reason for that. They need to start aspielove.com or
something.
5. The momma lover: these guys want
either an older woman or someone very nurturing. danger. danger especially for people like me. that's all i will say.
6.
the borderline personality disorder whale: this guy eats you up whole. Initially you are scared, your gut reaction
knows to avoid such an inflated ego. The
BPD whale however, charms you with not only beauty (if he has any) but his
loving caring nature. Somehow his
intelligence appeals to you, and he puts you up on a pedestal. He claims you are 'unlike any woman he has
ever met before'. Before long you are enmeshed.
Swallowed inside his huge empty pit, that is unable to love or to trust
love. BPD apparently originates from
attachment disorder, so oftentimes they have had attachment injuries in
childhood, or have been abused/neglected.
You feel sorry for them. They do
little things to make you like them. You
accept his shortcomings, being the caring person YOU are. Then, all of a sudden, he realizes the chase
is over. It's no longer fun. Then it's
time for you to go up the blow hole!
7. The fruitcake: He tells you he is a chef, and it turns out
he works at Chevron. He also tells you
he drives a 2010 model car, and it turns out its a $2500 2000 model car. More short comings include the fact his
mother will not let him travel alone, and he get very defensive if you ask if
he lives alone (obviously that's something he's had to overcome). When you go to the local restaurant for
dinner, the waitresses all roll their eyes, yet he thinks he is quite welcomed.
I seriously could go on and on. As of late, I've taken my mom's advice and
joined some sites where you have to pay a monthly fee. My mom said it 'might be more serious'. Yes. So far, it means i'm basically paying $35/month
to get laid if I really want to. I don't have a problem finding men to sleep
with, men are easy that way. It's finding the needle in the haystack that is the problem.
Friday, July 6, 2012
a new chapter...
It's been awhile since I posted last, and lots has happened. My (our) life is in a state of big changes now and it's a little mindblowing.
For one, my ICBC case settled in May. It is a really strange feeling, and is not what I expected. My claim has been opened for 6 years, and for the past 3 years, I have been aching for it to settle/close. I just wanted to be done with it. All those years were consumed with medical appointments, assessments, independant medical exams and feeling like I didn't have any personal privacy. Well, I DIDN'T have any personal privacy. I had no control over most of my life for fear of how it would affect my 'case'. Not that I did anything wrong; I was hit by a car for crying out loud, but everyone knows how ICBC is.
So I get this settlement, and initially feel relief. It wasn't what I expected it would be (money wise) and I don't believe any amount of money can equate to what I have been through for the past 6 years or what I will continue to endure as the result of this accident. However, now I can start thinking about what I want to do to change my future and actually work towards a goal again.
Someone said to me "you have this lump sum of money, you should be happy now". That was really hurtful to me. I felt very misunderstood and felt that my experiences had not been heard. It is meant to be there for the rest of my life, mainly because I cannot return to the job I used to do. It has a lot of 'memories' attached to it. It is just money and certainly does not take away the pain, sadness, grief, or anxiety I have or have overcome.
In the course of two weeks, a whole whirlwind of crazy stuff happens. I even get dumped by my boyfriend, which did not come without it''s fair share of hurtful insults hurled at me.
Yet I'm starting to understand what is happening. I have the chance to grab the reins of my life once again and be the strong, independent person I used to be. I have no excuses now, nothing can hold me back. I may have been presented with brief oppourtunities before, but now I feel ready to take things on.
I have enrolled in a 2 yr Family systems therapy course, which will be a starting point for furthering my education. I hope to be able to do some little courses like this one (ie play therapy, art therapy) and then return to university for my Master of Social Work. I want to support children, youth, parents in a different aspect of 'child welfare', especially adoption. I also want to work with people which chronic illness/medical trauma using a holistic approach. Now I have a plan, and have already taken steps to complete the plan. This is getting back to my old self. Determined, focused, striving to achieve goals.
We are now on our first family vacation as a little family unit. It is exciting, and scary. At first I didn't think I could do it alone, but now I've changed my mindset and have made it a challenge for myself. If I can make it through this week, alone with my girls, no support, I think I can do anything :)
Wish me luck!
For one, my ICBC case settled in May. It is a really strange feeling, and is not what I expected. My claim has been opened for 6 years, and for the past 3 years, I have been aching for it to settle/close. I just wanted to be done with it. All those years were consumed with medical appointments, assessments, independant medical exams and feeling like I didn't have any personal privacy. Well, I DIDN'T have any personal privacy. I had no control over most of my life for fear of how it would affect my 'case'. Not that I did anything wrong; I was hit by a car for crying out loud, but everyone knows how ICBC is.
So I get this settlement, and initially feel relief. It wasn't what I expected it would be (money wise) and I don't believe any amount of money can equate to what I have been through for the past 6 years or what I will continue to endure as the result of this accident. However, now I can start thinking about what I want to do to change my future and actually work towards a goal again.
Someone said to me "you have this lump sum of money, you should be happy now". That was really hurtful to me. I felt very misunderstood and felt that my experiences had not been heard. It is meant to be there for the rest of my life, mainly because I cannot return to the job I used to do. It has a lot of 'memories' attached to it. It is just money and certainly does not take away the pain, sadness, grief, or anxiety I have or have overcome.
In the course of two weeks, a whole whirlwind of crazy stuff happens. I even get dumped by my boyfriend, which did not come without it''s fair share of hurtful insults hurled at me.
Yet I'm starting to understand what is happening. I have the chance to grab the reins of my life once again and be the strong, independent person I used to be. I have no excuses now, nothing can hold me back. I may have been presented with brief oppourtunities before, but now I feel ready to take things on.
I have enrolled in a 2 yr Family systems therapy course, which will be a starting point for furthering my education. I hope to be able to do some little courses like this one (ie play therapy, art therapy) and then return to university for my Master of Social Work. I want to support children, youth, parents in a different aspect of 'child welfare', especially adoption. I also want to work with people which chronic illness/medical trauma using a holistic approach. Now I have a plan, and have already taken steps to complete the plan. This is getting back to my old self. Determined, focused, striving to achieve goals.
We are now on our first family vacation as a little family unit. It is exciting, and scary. At first I didn't think I could do it alone, but now I've changed my mindset and have made it a challenge for myself. If I can make it through this week, alone with my girls, no support, I think I can do anything :)
Wish me luck!
Friday, June 22, 2012
She goes from wanting to build a fort to a full blown rage within a minute. All kids have tantrums, but not like this; this is like the incredible hulk.
All I can do is zone out and not get emotionally involved. I pray for her to be kept safe, and think quickly as to where the laptop is, where the ipad is, and if there's anything within her reach that is breakable. Dove looks at me and returns to her book quietly.
45 minutes later I start to go upstairs to go to the washroom. At this point Sedona has calmed and is now just tired. I glance in the kitchen to see a bowl of cheerios thrown on the ground, milk and all. During one brief calm period of her rage, I offered the cheerios as a distraction and in hopes that maybe she's just out of it due to hunger. Obviously that didn't work.
Up the stairs, over the shoes she has thrown everywhere. In her bedroom, her mattress is off her bed and standing up against her dresser. She has thrown the little toys left in her room all over. I haven't checked the other rooms.
How do you discipline that? She comes to me crying telling me "i feel so bad, i am sorry mom". I believe it. I believe it was 100% uncontrollable for her. Her eyes glaze over, she begins to hit her head with her fists, she screams, yells, swears. It is like a seizure; you look in her eyes and you can't see 'her'. Sedona is long gone and this monster has taken over. When I have a seizure, I can see/hear my surroundings but cannot control my body. In a way this must be what Sedona experiences. Her 'animal brain" aka limbic system takes over and she's out of control.
My little girl is never 'happy'. She is is sad,scared, tired, mad, or GIDDY. There is never a time when she is just a happy little girl. I think I provide a good life for her, one that a lot of little girls never get to experience. Her home life is safe, stable, kid centered, and is full of people who love her. I don't remember ever feeling so bad so often as a little girl. I remember being happy, content, a few periods when I might have been upset or mad, but that's it. I lived a pretty stable life as well, that's how I know how to provide a stable life for my girls.
The child psychiatrist, who apparently has 11 years experience, told me "there is no pill to parent". ARE YOU SERIOUS? Does he really think I want to have my child on ANY medication if she did not need it? I've been on medication for my epilepsy for 30 years, it's caused long term side effects. I needed it though. Does this man seriously think I haven't tried everything in my power to try to avoid going to see him? Are these rages normal? No they are not. Do I want a child who has emotional outbursts? No thanks. I'd prefer an easygoing child, thank you very much!
My daughter has a serious mental health illness amongst other special needs. So many parents are struggling to navigate this system of professionals trying to get help, and instead of accepting that the child has problems, they blame the parent. Kids can have mental illness, they need early interventions to succeed in life. They don't need professionals to deny the parent the fact that the child has issues, so the cycle of low self esteem continues, so that when they are 15 years old, they are suicidal. Stop blaming kids' behaviours on bad parenting, and look at the reality of what is physically going on for the child. Especially if you are a doctor!
All I can do is zone out and not get emotionally involved. I pray for her to be kept safe, and think quickly as to where the laptop is, where the ipad is, and if there's anything within her reach that is breakable. Dove looks at me and returns to her book quietly.
45 minutes later I start to go upstairs to go to the washroom. At this point Sedona has calmed and is now just tired. I glance in the kitchen to see a bowl of cheerios thrown on the ground, milk and all. During one brief calm period of her rage, I offered the cheerios as a distraction and in hopes that maybe she's just out of it due to hunger. Obviously that didn't work.
Up the stairs, over the shoes she has thrown everywhere. In her bedroom, her mattress is off her bed and standing up against her dresser. She has thrown the little toys left in her room all over. I haven't checked the other rooms.
How do you discipline that? She comes to me crying telling me "i feel so bad, i am sorry mom". I believe it. I believe it was 100% uncontrollable for her. Her eyes glaze over, she begins to hit her head with her fists, she screams, yells, swears. It is like a seizure; you look in her eyes and you can't see 'her'. Sedona is long gone and this monster has taken over. When I have a seizure, I can see/hear my surroundings but cannot control my body. In a way this must be what Sedona experiences. Her 'animal brain" aka limbic system takes over and she's out of control.
My little girl is never 'happy'. She is is sad,scared, tired, mad, or GIDDY. There is never a time when she is just a happy little girl. I think I provide a good life for her, one that a lot of little girls never get to experience. Her home life is safe, stable, kid centered, and is full of people who love her. I don't remember ever feeling so bad so often as a little girl. I remember being happy, content, a few periods when I might have been upset or mad, but that's it. I lived a pretty stable life as well, that's how I know how to provide a stable life for my girls.
The child psychiatrist, who apparently has 11 years experience, told me "there is no pill to parent". ARE YOU SERIOUS? Does he really think I want to have my child on ANY medication if she did not need it? I've been on medication for my epilepsy for 30 years, it's caused long term side effects. I needed it though. Does this man seriously think I haven't tried everything in my power to try to avoid going to see him? Are these rages normal? No they are not. Do I want a child who has emotional outbursts? No thanks. I'd prefer an easygoing child, thank you very much!
My daughter has a serious mental health illness amongst other special needs. So many parents are struggling to navigate this system of professionals trying to get help, and instead of accepting that the child has problems, they blame the parent. Kids can have mental illness, they need early interventions to succeed in life. They don't need professionals to deny the parent the fact that the child has issues, so the cycle of low self esteem continues, so that when they are 15 years old, they are suicidal. Stop blaming kids' behaviours on bad parenting, and look at the reality of what is physically going on for the child. Especially if you are a doctor!
On baby bear turning 4 years old
My baby just turned four years old. Just like I did for her older sister, I am going to list some little known facts about her.
1. She still sleeps in a crib. I won't let her out quite yet as I am afraid of her wandering at night.
2. Dove is terrfied of cats.
3. Dove LOVES horses.
4. Dove is afraid of bears because one time we saw two bears in the field behind grandmas house.
5. Dove is terrified of real bees, but has a bumblebee pillow she refuses to sleep without and she will not let it get washed. It's quite stinky.
6. Dove loves to pretend to be a waitress. She loves when I buy her a waitress pad from the dollar store so she can 'take orders' from everyone in the family.
7. Dove's number one person - "big man" aka grandpa. I don't know where she came up with the name big man for grandpa, but she sure adores him.
8. Dove sleeps with at least 5 blankets on top of her at night. And a stinky stuffed bumblebee
9. Doves faveourite food at dinner is salad. She also really likes green peppers.
10. Dove is an 'old people' kid. She prefers to hang around old people.
11. Dove loves electronics - i pads, phones, computers etc.
12. Dove LOVES looking out the windows when we are in the car - she is by far the best behaved child I have ever seen in a car.
13. Dove loves motorcycles.
14. Dove adores her big sister and does everything like her.
15. Dove won't usually sing in public, but sings herself to sleep every night.
16. Dove loves national geographic magazines (anyone have any to give me).
Happy 4th Birthday baby bear. Mommy loves you so much!
1. She still sleeps in a crib. I won't let her out quite yet as I am afraid of her wandering at night.
2. Dove is terrfied of cats.
3. Dove LOVES horses.
4. Dove is afraid of bears because one time we saw two bears in the field behind grandmas house.
5. Dove is terrified of real bees, but has a bumblebee pillow she refuses to sleep without and she will not let it get washed. It's quite stinky.
6. Dove loves to pretend to be a waitress. She loves when I buy her a waitress pad from the dollar store so she can 'take orders' from everyone in the family.
7. Dove's number one person - "big man" aka grandpa. I don't know where she came up with the name big man for grandpa, but she sure adores him.
8. Dove sleeps with at least 5 blankets on top of her at night. And a stinky stuffed bumblebee
9. Doves faveourite food at dinner is salad. She also really likes green peppers.
10. Dove is an 'old people' kid. She prefers to hang around old people.
11. Dove loves electronics - i pads, phones, computers etc.
12. Dove LOVES looking out the windows when we are in the car - she is by far the best behaved child I have ever seen in a car.
13. Dove loves motorcycles.
14. Dove adores her big sister and does everything like her.
15. Dove won't usually sing in public, but sings herself to sleep every night.
16. Dove loves national geographic magazines (anyone have any to give me).
Happy 4th Birthday baby bear. Mommy loves you so much!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Nature vs Nurture?
I had been so nervous, yet excited to meet my second daughter. I had known that her birthmom was pregnant for a long time and had been asked to parent her as I was already parenting her birth sister Sedona and her birth mother could not. I was not sure I could do it, but I made the commitment to Dove that I would at least try, and I made that commitment before she was even born.
I wondering what she looked like, and if she looked like Sedona. I was entering the same hospital, same nursery that I had spent so many hours in 16 months prior with Sedona. It was under much different circumstances however, because due to a lot of 'red tape', Dove was four weeks old when Sedona & I first got to meet her.
I sat in a chair directly across from a 'foster mom', who was not DOVE'S foster mom, but the birth mother's old foster mom. She was an old witch, and it made me furious and uncomfortable at the same time. It took a lot for me not to kick that old bat in the ass to be honest. There was a bit of a history there though, one not intended for this post.
The nurse finally brought Dove in. I was allowed to hold her finally (there were several rules about the visit) and all I can remember is seeing her HUGE cheeks. That's all you could see. Just cheeks. Not the usual native baby pancake face cheeks. They were monster cheeks. And she didn't look a damn thing like Sedona.
Dove had very little hair, again, unlike Sedona. She was also chubby and I remember being surprised because I expected a 'newborn' but in reality she was already 4 weeks old and big enough to wear 0-3 month old clothes already instead of 'newborn'.
The anticipation I had for Dove was unbelievable. I had to wait much longer than I did with Sedona, praying that her birth mother would 'take it easy' for Dove's sake. It was agonizing, and period from when Dove was actually born until the time I got to meet her was even worse. Every day for months I looked at the newborn neutral coloured outfit I bought for her, feeling so much fear for what was going on for this little baby. With Sedona, I only knew about her 3 weeks prior to her birth, and I met her at 2 hours old. That was a bit easier I think. Also having an emotional tie to the birth mother, and not being able to do ANYTHING to help her was difficult. If you know anything about our family, you know that we are very loyal to each other, although a few of us have problems accepting that love and commitment.
Back to dear Dove.
The nurse puts her in my arms while saying "she is such a good baby, one of the best babies we have".
It was all such a wonderful moment.
Then Dove figured out she was in my arms, and within about five seconds started screaming. Not whimpering, not a little cry. She just looked up at me from beyond the big cheeks, and started screaming.
Remember, I've got the old witch of a foster mom staring right at me. And the nurse who just said she was so wonderful.
I try doing all the usual stuff - changing positions, patting her back, patting her bum, rocking a bit, talking to her, hushing her. Nothing works. I had to give her back to the nurse, because way back then, I refused to let any baby cry for longer than about 45 seconds I think. I didn't want to hurt their attachment.
As soon as little Dove got back to the nurse, she was quiet. I felt like crap. And the visit was pretty much over after a few pictures.
...........
Four years later:
Putting Sedona and Dove to bed and they are both melting down from exhaustion. Dove starts to have a temper tantrum which is actually unusual for her. Sedona, being my 'explosive child' is beginning to really meltdown, so I decide to deal with her first, as I can only soothe one at a time.
Then Sedona says: "mom why do you love me more than Dove?"
I ask her to repeat, and she says it again. I almost break into tears.
I didn't expect to have this conversation so early on, but ok, I guess life isn't planned.
I explain to Sedona that I love both my girls the same amount. I explain what love looks like, for example, my girls eating good food and having nice clothes is one way I show I love them (apart from the usual hugs, kisses etc). Sedona claims to understand this.
Then I explain that everyone is different and both my girls are different. My Sedona needs more hugs than Dove. My Sedona cries a little more than my Dove.
All this time, I am trying to keep my own issues at bay. I know that it appears I love Sedona more than Dove, but I don't. Flashbacks of our first meeting came flooding back because I always felt like she 'hated' me from the moment she met me. I used to worry that Dove and I had a disorganized attachment, meaning, we really didn't bond that well when she was an infant. To be honest, having two babies 16 months apart as a single mom was very difficult. I don't know how we all survived to be brutally honest.
However, I love Dove with all my heart. I can identify with Dove more than I can identify with Sedona sometimes. Dove is the 'easier' child to parent. She has her issues, but it's nothing compared to Sedona.
Dove has always been one to not need a lot of cuddling, or hugs and that is how she is the extreme opposite of Sedona. Dove is content to walk around the house writing on her 'waitress pad', taking pretend restaurant orders from everyone, meanwhile, Sedona needs to climb all over me and twist my hair for comfort. This used to worry me to no end; I used to feel a lot of guilt because it actually looked to me, and everyone else that I did show more signs of affection to Sedona than I do to Dove.
Dove needs me to show her love in a different way, and this is what has inspired me to write such a long post. As a mother to two little girls who are not biologically related to me in any way, this is a unique struggle. I can't say my girls are like me, or like their father, and I don't have the natural instinct that is there with most moms/babies. As an adoptive parent, you have to figure out not only what parenting style works best for your child, but what AFFECTION style works best too.
Dove needs me to put her to bed in the same way every night so that she feels loved. She needs me to take note of her special interests, such as wildlife documentaries, horses, keys, little items, and buy her them so she knows I'm taking an interest in her. For Dove to feel loved, she needs me only give her a 5 second hug instead of a 10 second hug, and allow her to do most of the initiating of the physical contact.
Four years later, I finally understand what was going on the very first time I met Dove. She just needed to be loved differently than my first, and I feel confident I did that without even being conscious of it. Instincts?
I wondering what she looked like, and if she looked like Sedona. I was entering the same hospital, same nursery that I had spent so many hours in 16 months prior with Sedona. It was under much different circumstances however, because due to a lot of 'red tape', Dove was four weeks old when Sedona & I first got to meet her.
I sat in a chair directly across from a 'foster mom', who was not DOVE'S foster mom, but the birth mother's old foster mom. She was an old witch, and it made me furious and uncomfortable at the same time. It took a lot for me not to kick that old bat in the ass to be honest. There was a bit of a history there though, one not intended for this post.
The nurse finally brought Dove in. I was allowed to hold her finally (there were several rules about the visit) and all I can remember is seeing her HUGE cheeks. That's all you could see. Just cheeks. Not the usual native baby pancake face cheeks. They were monster cheeks. And she didn't look a damn thing like Sedona.
Dove had very little hair, again, unlike Sedona. She was also chubby and I remember being surprised because I expected a 'newborn' but in reality she was already 4 weeks old and big enough to wear 0-3 month old clothes already instead of 'newborn'.
The anticipation I had for Dove was unbelievable. I had to wait much longer than I did with Sedona, praying that her birth mother would 'take it easy' for Dove's sake. It was agonizing, and period from when Dove was actually born until the time I got to meet her was even worse. Every day for months I looked at the newborn neutral coloured outfit I bought for her, feeling so much fear for what was going on for this little baby. With Sedona, I only knew about her 3 weeks prior to her birth, and I met her at 2 hours old. That was a bit easier I think. Also having an emotional tie to the birth mother, and not being able to do ANYTHING to help her was difficult. If you know anything about our family, you know that we are very loyal to each other, although a few of us have problems accepting that love and commitment.
Back to dear Dove.
The nurse puts her in my arms while saying "she is such a good baby, one of the best babies we have".
It was all such a wonderful moment.
Then Dove figured out she was in my arms, and within about five seconds started screaming. Not whimpering, not a little cry. She just looked up at me from beyond the big cheeks, and started screaming.
Remember, I've got the old witch of a foster mom staring right at me. And the nurse who just said she was so wonderful.
I try doing all the usual stuff - changing positions, patting her back, patting her bum, rocking a bit, talking to her, hushing her. Nothing works. I had to give her back to the nurse, because way back then, I refused to let any baby cry for longer than about 45 seconds I think. I didn't want to hurt their attachment.
As soon as little Dove got back to the nurse, she was quiet. I felt like crap. And the visit was pretty much over after a few pictures.
...........
Four years later:
Putting Sedona and Dove to bed and they are both melting down from exhaustion. Dove starts to have a temper tantrum which is actually unusual for her. Sedona, being my 'explosive child' is beginning to really meltdown, so I decide to deal with her first, as I can only soothe one at a time.
Then Sedona says: "mom why do you love me more than Dove?"
I ask her to repeat, and she says it again. I almost break into tears.
I didn't expect to have this conversation so early on, but ok, I guess life isn't planned.
I explain to Sedona that I love both my girls the same amount. I explain what love looks like, for example, my girls eating good food and having nice clothes is one way I show I love them (apart from the usual hugs, kisses etc). Sedona claims to understand this.
Then I explain that everyone is different and both my girls are different. My Sedona needs more hugs than Dove. My Sedona cries a little more than my Dove.
All this time, I am trying to keep my own issues at bay. I know that it appears I love Sedona more than Dove, but I don't. Flashbacks of our first meeting came flooding back because I always felt like she 'hated' me from the moment she met me. I used to worry that Dove and I had a disorganized attachment, meaning, we really didn't bond that well when she was an infant. To be honest, having two babies 16 months apart as a single mom was very difficult. I don't know how we all survived to be brutally honest.
However, I love Dove with all my heart. I can identify with Dove more than I can identify with Sedona sometimes. Dove is the 'easier' child to parent. She has her issues, but it's nothing compared to Sedona.
Dove has always been one to not need a lot of cuddling, or hugs and that is how she is the extreme opposite of Sedona. Dove is content to walk around the house writing on her 'waitress pad', taking pretend restaurant orders from everyone, meanwhile, Sedona needs to climb all over me and twist my hair for comfort. This used to worry me to no end; I used to feel a lot of guilt because it actually looked to me, and everyone else that I did show more signs of affection to Sedona than I do to Dove.
Dove needs me to show her love in a different way, and this is what has inspired me to write such a long post. As a mother to two little girls who are not biologically related to me in any way, this is a unique struggle. I can't say my girls are like me, or like their father, and I don't have the natural instinct that is there with most moms/babies. As an adoptive parent, you have to figure out not only what parenting style works best for your child, but what AFFECTION style works best too.
Dove needs me to put her to bed in the same way every night so that she feels loved. She needs me to take note of her special interests, such as wildlife documentaries, horses, keys, little items, and buy her them so she knows I'm taking an interest in her. For Dove to feel loved, she needs me only give her a 5 second hug instead of a 10 second hug, and allow her to do most of the initiating of the physical contact.
Four years later, I finally understand what was going on the very first time I met Dove. She just needed to be loved differently than my first, and I feel confident I did that without even being conscious of it. Instincts?
Friday, June 1, 2012
Mean moms
I have been fortunate enough to be able to afford to put my daughters in many extracurricular activities since they were both infants. Not many single moms can do this, nor a single mom to two. They have done infant music, swimming lessons, ballet, yoga, and of course gymnastics.
Today, while watching Sedona in her 'competitive' gymnastics class (they are the youngest girls in the competitive stream of gymnastics, averaging in age at about 5 years old) I had to deal with 'sport moms'. Wow. Let's give a history of my experience with the gymnastics mom's associated with Sedona's class.
Firstly, Sedona attends gymnastics for 2 hrs once per week. That means it's not enough time to leave and go do something, so we moms have to sit and watch. There is a nice viewing area that is outside the gym so as not to distract the gymnasts too much.
So, the group of us always go up and sit in a loosely formed group. We've done this since September and there is about five of us. It's been mainly nice 'hellos' and 'oh your kid looks so cute', then politely going back to the iphone distraction we all have. In the past two months or so this dynamic has slowly changed.
Three of the moms have become 'friends'. I found out today their kids all attend the same school, same dance school, and do soccer. They have been having a few playdates etc. I'm not like these moms. I don't have a fancy house on the hill, I don't have a husband who works really hard so I can stay home, I don't have the energy to pack my kids a snack everywhere we go (much less a gluten/dye/meat free one). I'm not skinny, blonde or have a blonde kid either. And I don't care to.
However, one of these moms is genuinely quite nice and I like her quite a bit. We talk as long as we can without the louder moms interrupting and going off one of their mom 'must talk' topics (usually running, lululemon etc). She forces the other moms to include me, kinda like highschool.
I try to be social, but this type of social is not my style. I hate to say this, but I am an educated woman, and these woman tend to make my feminist fur stand on end. I can't stand how dependent they are on their husbands, or how unhappy they are in their marriages and think the only thing they can do is be a mom. They are like the mean girls of high school all over again, but reality has hit them hard in the ass and they don't quite get it yet. It's not so nice to have the 'perfect' life sometimes, is it?
Anyways, they know very little about me, as I am a person that takes awhile to get to know. Today, while watching our girls, one mom says to me "how come your little girl can't seem to do her flip on the vault - is she just fooling around?". I was shocked to hear this. It didn't seem like I knew this woman long enough for her to say ANYTHING but nice things about my daughter.
Maybe I'm a bit defensive, but it certainly didn't sit right with me. I've never said anything but good things about ALL of their kids (even when I didn't feel like it). The 'nice' mom got instantly uncomfortable. Time slowed down for me as I debated how to respond. Do I ignore it? Do I get pissed and tell her off? Do I educate her on how ignorant her words are? Or do I just find a way to put her foot in her mouth?
Needless to say, I chose the last option.
In a calm, friendly voice I reply : "I adopted Sedona. She has some learning disabilities which sometimes makes it hard for her to learn things. It could be that she doesn't understand how to do the flip, or it could be like any other child and she is just afraid. I don't think Sedona is fooling around, she is trying really hard to do it".
Silence.
And I turn to wave to Sedona.
She smiles, tries to say something to me even though there is a glass window between us, and runs to get in line to do the vault again. I must also note that she was 1 out of 5 girls NOT fooling around - she really wanted to learn the vault.
Then the mom says: "Oh, so how long have you had her?"
I reply "Since she was 2 hours old".
Then she asks "where is she from?". This confused me a bit at the time, but now I realize she thought Sedona must be an internationally adopted child, probably from Haiti or Africa or something. I reply simply "Vancouver". End of conversation. I should have said the full reality - "the downtown eastside of Vancouver".
Being asked this question today resonated with me today. I guess I've always struggled with when to (and if I need to) tell people my girls are adopted. I mean, we go uptown and get stared at, and I get a bit defensive. I always assume people are thinking "look at that mother, she obviously had two kids by two different men in a very short period of time". So today, I decided to pony up, and admit my girls were adopted, and not in the same position as the other kids. My girls come from disadvantage. Their children come from advantage.
So what? I've done a lot to try to change the outcome for these girls, and in many ways, it's good that no one could tell my daughters were adopted. It means I've done a damn good job of caring and bonding with them. I used to think this was all that was needed, to help break the cycle that these girls come from. Lately I'm not so sure.
I'm not sure my girls will grow up and graduate high school, no matter what I do. I think it's more likely they won't.
I'm not sure my girls won't be teenage moms. I think it's likely they will.
I'm not sure my girls will not fall into addiction. Again, I think its likely they will.
Most parents put their kids into extracurricular activities because they want to raise these 'well rounded' kids. For me, I just want a kid that is going to be able to live life as 'normally' as possible. I am just hoping my daughters will find something that will boost their self esteem enough to help them get through life in this cold, self centered society. And for that reason alone, I put up with the mean moms.
Today, while watching Sedona in her 'competitive' gymnastics class (they are the youngest girls in the competitive stream of gymnastics, averaging in age at about 5 years old) I had to deal with 'sport moms'. Wow. Let's give a history of my experience with the gymnastics mom's associated with Sedona's class.
Firstly, Sedona attends gymnastics for 2 hrs once per week. That means it's not enough time to leave and go do something, so we moms have to sit and watch. There is a nice viewing area that is outside the gym so as not to distract the gymnasts too much.
So, the group of us always go up and sit in a loosely formed group. We've done this since September and there is about five of us. It's been mainly nice 'hellos' and 'oh your kid looks so cute', then politely going back to the iphone distraction we all have. In the past two months or so this dynamic has slowly changed.
Three of the moms have become 'friends'. I found out today their kids all attend the same school, same dance school, and do soccer. They have been having a few playdates etc. I'm not like these moms. I don't have a fancy house on the hill, I don't have a husband who works really hard so I can stay home, I don't have the energy to pack my kids a snack everywhere we go (much less a gluten/dye/meat free one). I'm not skinny, blonde or have a blonde kid either. And I don't care to.
However, one of these moms is genuinely quite nice and I like her quite a bit. We talk as long as we can without the louder moms interrupting and going off one of their mom 'must talk' topics (usually running, lululemon etc). She forces the other moms to include me, kinda like highschool.
I try to be social, but this type of social is not my style. I hate to say this, but I am an educated woman, and these woman tend to make my feminist fur stand on end. I can't stand how dependent they are on their husbands, or how unhappy they are in their marriages and think the only thing they can do is be a mom. They are like the mean girls of high school all over again, but reality has hit them hard in the ass and they don't quite get it yet. It's not so nice to have the 'perfect' life sometimes, is it?
Anyways, they know very little about me, as I am a person that takes awhile to get to know. Today, while watching our girls, one mom says to me "how come your little girl can't seem to do her flip on the vault - is she just fooling around?". I was shocked to hear this. It didn't seem like I knew this woman long enough for her to say ANYTHING but nice things about my daughter.
Maybe I'm a bit defensive, but it certainly didn't sit right with me. I've never said anything but good things about ALL of their kids (even when I didn't feel like it). The 'nice' mom got instantly uncomfortable. Time slowed down for me as I debated how to respond. Do I ignore it? Do I get pissed and tell her off? Do I educate her on how ignorant her words are? Or do I just find a way to put her foot in her mouth?
Needless to say, I chose the last option.
In a calm, friendly voice I reply : "I adopted Sedona. She has some learning disabilities which sometimes makes it hard for her to learn things. It could be that she doesn't understand how to do the flip, or it could be like any other child and she is just afraid. I don't think Sedona is fooling around, she is trying really hard to do it".
Silence.
And I turn to wave to Sedona.
She smiles, tries to say something to me even though there is a glass window between us, and runs to get in line to do the vault again. I must also note that she was 1 out of 5 girls NOT fooling around - she really wanted to learn the vault.
Then the mom says: "Oh, so how long have you had her?"
I reply "Since she was 2 hours old".
Then she asks "where is she from?". This confused me a bit at the time, but now I realize she thought Sedona must be an internationally adopted child, probably from Haiti or Africa or something. I reply simply "Vancouver". End of conversation. I should have said the full reality - "the downtown eastside of Vancouver".
Being asked this question today resonated with me today. I guess I've always struggled with when to (and if I need to) tell people my girls are adopted. I mean, we go uptown and get stared at, and I get a bit defensive. I always assume people are thinking "look at that mother, she obviously had two kids by two different men in a very short period of time". So today, I decided to pony up, and admit my girls were adopted, and not in the same position as the other kids. My girls come from disadvantage. Their children come from advantage.
So what? I've done a lot to try to change the outcome for these girls, and in many ways, it's good that no one could tell my daughters were adopted. It means I've done a damn good job of caring and bonding with them. I used to think this was all that was needed, to help break the cycle that these girls come from. Lately I'm not so sure.
I'm not sure my girls will grow up and graduate high school, no matter what I do. I think it's more likely they won't.
I'm not sure my girls won't be teenage moms. I think it's likely they will.
I'm not sure my girls will not fall into addiction. Again, I think its likely they will.
Most parents put their kids into extracurricular activities because they want to raise these 'well rounded' kids. For me, I just want a kid that is going to be able to live life as 'normally' as possible. I am just hoping my daughters will find something that will boost their self esteem enough to help them get through life in this cold, self centered society. And for that reason alone, I put up with the mean moms.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Missing piece
As a social worker I am always looking at the 'bigger picture'. I notice what services various non profit agencies offer, observe how clients interact with the service, and think about the outcome of the service. I don't know why, it's kind of a hobby. Like my geek boyfriend is really interested in music and the radio industry....
Anyways, the past 5 years have been a serious eye opener for me. I left the 'field' of social work for medical reasons, but also during that time was able to become a parent at the same time. We all know the girls are special needs.
I've been a very good advocate for my girls. My goal has always been to give them a great headstart in order to counter affect some of the effects of the prenatal exposure they had. I've had them followed by professionals since birth, I've taken workshops, I've joined online communities for parent support, I've attended parent support groups in town.
What is missing for our kids? Yes, special needs kids, whatever their disability is, need help. They might need physio, OT, counselling, medications, 1:1 workers, etc. Yes, our kids might have labels of autism, FASD, ADHD, ODD, Conduct, depression, or anxiety.
But what does that mean for the parent?
For me, it means I am always having to supervise my girls when they are home. 150%. Never can I say "go play in your bedroom" and be relaxed. I have to always be alert. If something is too quiet, something bad is up. Yes, normal kids do this, but 'our' kids do it 20 times worse.
For me it means humiliation when my daughter cries, screams, kicks and yells at me when I pick her up from daycare. And the daycare workers stare and state 'well she had a wonderful day HERE", as though you have such a bad home life.
For me it means keeping the child locks turned to on in the car because you never know when she is going to explode and possibly open the door as you drive.
For me it is feeling helpless when my daughter is raging, throwing things around, with glazed eyes. How can I stop it? I can I keep my OWN emotions under control? What about the little sister and her needs when there's a 45 minute rage going on?
No professional talks about that. No professional gives you practical help. They might say "ok make sure your kid has dark curtains in her room so she can sleep better". Do they come help put those curtains up because you are exhausted from your day to day life with your kids? No. They want you to do visual scheduling....do they offer to make them up for you? No.
Instead, as I was told last week, they say things like "well this is what it takes to parent a high needs child''. Or as my key worker said "you seemed to exhausted and depressed for me to be able to work with you and the girls".
And when I hear of parents being told of the diagnosis' of their children, I always think of the grief for the PARENT involved in the diagnosis process. There should be counselling offered for the PARENT when your child is diagnosed with a disability condition. There never is and the 'supports' involved focus on helping the child only.
Just a rant. Maybe time for me to explore a new career path.
Anyways, the past 5 years have been a serious eye opener for me. I left the 'field' of social work for medical reasons, but also during that time was able to become a parent at the same time. We all know the girls are special needs.
I've been a very good advocate for my girls. My goal has always been to give them a great headstart in order to counter affect some of the effects of the prenatal exposure they had. I've had them followed by professionals since birth, I've taken workshops, I've joined online communities for parent support, I've attended parent support groups in town.
What is missing for our kids? Yes, special needs kids, whatever their disability is, need help. They might need physio, OT, counselling, medications, 1:1 workers, etc. Yes, our kids might have labels of autism, FASD, ADHD, ODD, Conduct, depression, or anxiety.
But what does that mean for the parent?
For me, it means I am always having to supervise my girls when they are home. 150%. Never can I say "go play in your bedroom" and be relaxed. I have to always be alert. If something is too quiet, something bad is up. Yes, normal kids do this, but 'our' kids do it 20 times worse.
For me it means humiliation when my daughter cries, screams, kicks and yells at me when I pick her up from daycare. And the daycare workers stare and state 'well she had a wonderful day HERE", as though you have such a bad home life.
For me it means keeping the child locks turned to on in the car because you never know when she is going to explode and possibly open the door as you drive.
For me it is feeling helpless when my daughter is raging, throwing things around, with glazed eyes. How can I stop it? I can I keep my OWN emotions under control? What about the little sister and her needs when there's a 45 minute rage going on?
No professional talks about that. No professional gives you practical help. They might say "ok make sure your kid has dark curtains in her room so she can sleep better". Do they come help put those curtains up because you are exhausted from your day to day life with your kids? No. They want you to do visual scheduling....do they offer to make them up for you? No.
Instead, as I was told last week, they say things like "well this is what it takes to parent a high needs child''. Or as my key worker said "you seemed to exhausted and depressed for me to be able to work with you and the girls".
And when I hear of parents being told of the diagnosis' of their children, I always think of the grief for the PARENT involved in the diagnosis process. There should be counselling offered for the PARENT when your child is diagnosed with a disability condition. There never is and the 'supports' involved focus on helping the child only.
Just a rant. Maybe time for me to explore a new career path.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
in laws
I was married for 5 years and never met my in laws. They sent a few gifts from Pakistan, and I once talked to my father in law on the phone, but that was it.
Then, after the divorce I managed to date more immigrants who also did not have family in Canada and never had to meet any parents.
I didn't miss it.
Now after five months with Steve I had to meet his mother and her boyfriend. Wow, what an undue stress that is! It's like applying for a job - put your best foot forward so the mother likes you!
Really, all the parents should do is make sure their son/daughter is happy and are being treated well. Maybe not even that much - we are supposed to be adults and make our own choices. I don't know if i will ever like anyone my daughters bring home, I can openly admit that.
Lucky for me, I seem to have a niche for talking to seniors. Steve's mom was quite shy but her partner was not, so he and I did quite a lot of chatting about old people stuff. I definitely won him over, I knew that in minutes.
And so the verdict came in tonight from Steve's mom. She likes me, and thinks I will be good to him and treat him well. That's all a mother ever wants I guess. Someone to be good to her boy. I knew, as a mother myself, she was very observant of how I treated him and I wondered if that would be me in 30 years evaluating the partners my daughters have chosen. It seems almost primal to me, almost instinctual. It was a mini awakening for me, and I am grateful for the experience.
Then, after the divorce I managed to date more immigrants who also did not have family in Canada and never had to meet any parents.
I didn't miss it.
Now after five months with Steve I had to meet his mother and her boyfriend. Wow, what an undue stress that is! It's like applying for a job - put your best foot forward so the mother likes you!
Really, all the parents should do is make sure their son/daughter is happy and are being treated well. Maybe not even that much - we are supposed to be adults and make our own choices. I don't know if i will ever like anyone my daughters bring home, I can openly admit that.
Lucky for me, I seem to have a niche for talking to seniors. Steve's mom was quite shy but her partner was not, so he and I did quite a lot of chatting about old people stuff. I definitely won him over, I knew that in minutes.
And so the verdict came in tonight from Steve's mom. She likes me, and thinks I will be good to him and treat him well. That's all a mother ever wants I guess. Someone to be good to her boy. I knew, as a mother myself, she was very observant of how I treated him and I wondered if that would be me in 30 years evaluating the partners my daughters have chosen. It seems almost primal to me, almost instinctual. It was a mini awakening for me, and I am grateful for the experience.
hear me roar.
I want my child to be offered the service and help that she desperately needs. She is not coping at an age appropriate level, she is not emotionally 'well'. I have been with her since she was 2 hours old, and she has never experienced trauma (minus the prenatal stuff) or abuse.
I finally got her in to see a child psychiatrist for her moods, and impulsiveness. I KNOW there's more to her than just prenatal exposure, and perhaps ADHD. It was a hard fight, but I advocated and got my young girl in to see a very busy child psychiatrist.
NO I do not want my child to have a psychiatric illness. I'm really hoping she doesn't, but I know how she behaves and how she cries, that there is something else there. If my child can FEEL better, I'm going to try to help her. The way she cries when "low" is so painful to hear. It is as though her parent has died. It breaks my heart everytime she cries like that....not a normal cry.... a painful, deep seeded, empty, desperate cry.
After explaining all Sedona's symptoms to the psychiatrist, he implies all her issues are related to her prenatal exposure. No way; 100% not the case in my opinion. It's not normal, even for prenatally exposed kids, to have this many rages, this many tears, this much aggression. and then to be laughing your head off 30 seconds later. I've parented my kids with the expectation that they are full blown FASD (just found out they are not), but even so, NONE of the fasd literature says anything about mood swings this severe.
I finally got her in to see a child psychiatrist for her moods, and impulsiveness. I KNOW there's more to her than just prenatal exposure, and perhaps ADHD. It was a hard fight, but I advocated and got my young girl in to see a very busy child psychiatrist.
NO I do not want my child to have a psychiatric illness. I'm really hoping she doesn't, but I know how she behaves and how she cries, that there is something else there. If my child can FEEL better, I'm going to try to help her. The way she cries when "low" is so painful to hear. It is as though her parent has died. It breaks my heart everytime she cries like that....not a normal cry.... a painful, deep seeded, empty, desperate cry.
After explaining all Sedona's symptoms to the psychiatrist, he implies all her issues are related to her prenatal exposure. No way; 100% not the case in my opinion. It's not normal, even for prenatally exposed kids, to have this many rages, this many tears, this much aggression. and then to be laughing your head off 30 seconds later. I've parented my kids with the expectation that they are full blown FASD (just found out they are not), but even so, NONE of the fasd literature says anything about mood swings this severe.
So then the psychiatrist starts to tell me about how I just wasn't parenting her right. I needed to provide more structure, more activities for her to do, keep her busy. What....the.....heck?????????????????
Activities? Seriously, lets think about this. My girls have every toy known to man and they have good toys because their grandmother is a play therapist and knows what to buy. They have bikes, scooters, a sandbox, a pool, a mini tramp, a wagon, TWO playgrounds (one in front and one in back), access to a trampoline/outdoor pool at grandparents, are in gymnastics, daycare, YOGA, will be taking dancing soon. This is just the stuff from home, and doesn't include the playground trips, trips to wildlife parks, trips to vancouver, camping etc.
Getting my child a label only has ONE benefit. She MIGHT be able to get some help to control her emotions a bit better which will in turn help her development expand. It will help me understand her better, and it will help her have a better quality of life.
Don't dare come after this very protective mama bear and tell her she just needs to parent better. No flipping way. I'm dedicated, intelligent, strong and know how to advocate. I'm a great parent and I have great girls.
Getting my child a label only has ONE benefit. She MIGHT be able to get some help to control her emotions a bit better which will in turn help her development expand. It will help me understand her better, and it will help her have a better quality of life.
Don't dare come after this very protective mama bear and tell her she just needs to parent better. No flipping way. I'm dedicated, intelligent, strong and know how to advocate. I'm a great parent and I have great girls.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)